Lonelyyyy I'm so lonely.

I didn't think sending you off would bring me so much pain.

I've done it loads of times before. In fact this is the 5th time we part.

Except every time I watch you leave, I had someone to hold my hand, someone to hug, family to come home to, friends to make me laugh so hard. Even my dad would double the times he takes me out for ice cream.

Yesterday I came home to.. nothing.

Well I came home to the food you cooked and refrigerated for me, I came home to the loving messages you left, I came home to watching the series you asked me to, I came home to the little bits and pieces you left me to help me get by for at least the first few days you're not around. But baby can I just say, it's not the same?

Of course this is all my choice, in fact, today all I want to do is just be by myself (and wallow in self pity hahahahahah jokingszzz) and just chill. Be lonely for a while.

I've never really had the chance to have total peace and quiet, serenity. Never really had the chance to be lonely. I mean I know loneliness can be really depressing and sad, but it also gives you a lot of time to yourself, no? "Me time", where you do whatever the heck you want.

Not that I want to be lonely all the time of course haha. But back at home I'm always with people I love. Always. I literally don't think I spend any more than an hour a day completely by myself. And of that, half an hour is spent in the bathroom. I have my loving parents to talk to all the time, I have my sisters where I talk and laugh with all the time, and when my boyfriend is around I had love all around me all day, and on top of all that, I have the love of my life, my Lexy darling with me all. the. time. Then there are my darlings my stoners my buddies, I'm blessed to always be loved and sayanged.

I know my friends are worried about me being alone. I've never been so alone in my life. Literally if I walked out without texting anyone right now, I could die outside my house and nobody would find me hahahahahah.

But right now I think I want to come back down to earth and just be lonely for a little while. Watch tv shows endlessly. Wake up and sleep whenever I damn well please. So don't worry about me, I'll be fine!

I just had hours of skype fun with my laling and my beks and my entire family. And my housemate cooked dinner in which I'm going down to eat soon, so it's not really quite as lonely as I made it sound haha.

Still, quietest and most alone I've ever been.

Lots of love and lots of updates soon!